Open your heart up after it’s been broken. Don’t be scared.
Well, look who’s talking. I’m not very good at this myself so this post is as much for me as I hope it is for you. We humans are fragile; some of us more than others, but not always for the same reasons or in the face of the same kind of struggle. I’m a pretty strong person, generally speaking, but when it comes to letting people into my life who love me and being open to loving others, I am as fragile and guarded as they come. When someone breaks my heart I have a very difficult time getting over it and even once I’ve “moved on” I am still scared to open my heart up to someone new. It isn’t healthy and it isn’t how I, or anyone else, should be.
After my last heartbreak I finally recognized that I have this problem so I’ve been working on being brave with my heart again. It’s slow going but I’ve figured out a few things that really make it easier.
Keep trying and don’t give up. This seems so basic but it gets hard to keep any faith that you are going to recover after the first attempt at reopening you heart to someone new fails miserably. That’s ok. What matters is that you don’t let the first couple of failed attempts discourage you. Sometimes it might not even be you; it could be that the other person wasn’t into the relationship. Not to mention that every time you try again you’re going to be better and better at not being scared. It’s called exposure and it’s actually a legitimate form of therapy, so keep trying and eventually you’ll be able to handle it.
Your heart didn’t actually physically break the last time or even the time before that. It still works. Yeah, that person hurt you, but this new person isn’t that person. Sure, they could hurt you too but didn’t you eventually recover from the last person? Heart breaks happen but your heart can totally handle it. It’ll be fine and so will you. Plus, you could learn a new skill or find a new band from this new person. You’ll probably have a really good time. Even if it does go sour something really happy could, and probably will, happen.
Remember that the last heartbreak made you a wiser person. You most likely learned something and if you say you didn’t you’re probably not digging deep enough. If nothing else, you at least learned how it feels to get hurt, even if it isn’t the first time, and you learned maybe what not to do the next time. The point is, you’ve got a little more knowledge under your belt than the last time you gave love a shot and you can probably now handle a lot more of the stuff you couldn’t handle the last time. You’re going to know if it’s time to hang on to this new person or throw in the towel. You’re probably going to see red flags sooner and you’re going to see good signs sooner as well. Trust that you have this new knowledge.
You’re probably going to get hurt again, and that is ok. Every person is different and so is every new situation. This hurt will be different than the last one. It might not be as bad. It might be worse. It might not even happen. The point is, you cannot live life focused on the mights and what ifs or you’re probably going to miss the awesomes and I am so happys.
When in doubt, fake it till you make it. You’ve got it in you to be brave and not let fear stop you from making progress, but sometimes you might not see that you have it in you. In those times, try to be strong anyway. Even when you aren’t feeling strong fake it until you do feel strong. It is the same as when smiling makes you feel better.