There are so many posts out there . . . so many . . . that talk about how to have great sex. You’ve probably read lots and lots of tips about what to do to have better sex–wow him, feel sexy, drive him wild, get to an O–you name it. Unless you’ve been reading it from Women’s Health, it’s probably a bunch of bologna. Tips like “wear his favorite color undies” are not terribly productive to the actual issue, so here are real tips you need to have great sex:
1. Stop reading articles from sources like Cosmo.
For some women Cosmo might be the ultimate source and that’s awesome. I’ll admit I totally love browsing Cosmo from time to time too. The problem is, for most of us, what Cosmo and sources like it recommend to have great sex aren’t really improving the average woman’s sex life.
Think about it, some of the sex poses they recommend are something only porn stars have done and others I’m pretty sure are not physically possible. Not to mention they give outrageous recommendations, based entirely on the opinions of men and, even worse, what society thinks men like. Not all of us are the same and not all men are the same either.
Lastly, reading women’s magazines to find what makes you great in bed or what will make you wow him is a great way to hurt your self-esteem. Not all of us can do the spinning pinwheel move.
I’m not saying stop reading Cosmo and Women’s Health entirely. There’s some great stuff in there, but take it in with a grain of salt.
2. Start finding what really makes YOU sexy.
There is no standard for sexy and not one way to be sexy. It’s not always wearing cleavage baring attire. It’s not always pooching your lips or making your hair huge and voluminous. Basically, it’s not always what society and the media says it is. Sure, many main stream “sexy” things can help you feel sexy or appear sexy but they are not what make you sexy. Sexiness is something that comes from inside you. It’s the way you carry yourself. It’s your confidence. It’s you being who you are and owning it. It’s wearing what makes you feel happy and doing what makes you feel good. It’s looking in the mirror and believing that you are beautiful and believing you are sexy.
That is sexiness.
It’s not just that push up bra ladies. It comes from personal power.
3. Create a safe space with your partner.
Consensual sex is the only sex you should be having. Good sex is where both partners feel safe, respected, have said yes (this part is vital–do not skip this step!), and are 100% able to say no to anything at any time.
This is making a safe space with your partner. Having that safe space allows you to do some mind blowing, awesome things in the bedroom and opens up a whole new level of communication that is truly valuable.
4. Don’t be afraid to talk about it.
People who can’t talk about sex are begging to have bad sex. If you can’t talk about what you want and what you like, how do you ever expect to get it?
Nobody can read minds and that definitely includes your sexual partners.
Even if you are in to weird, kinky stuff, talk about it. As number three stated, you need to create a safe space with your partner. This includes being able to talk about what you are and are not OK with, what you do and do not want, and how you want to treat each other.
It may seem awkward to talk about any of this, especially if you never have, but trust me when I say it is very much worth it. I mean, if you really want to try that new move, talk about it. It might be fun!
5. Stop lying about having orgasms.
I personally have never lied about having an orgasm. If I don’t get there I don’t say I did. I’ve never been with a guy who wasn’t OK with helping me finish up once he knew.
If you are with someone worth being with, they want you to have just as much fun as they want to have. They want you to get there or for many of them it’s a big ding on their self-esteem. Let them know if they didn’t make it so they can change their tactic the next time or help you finish right then and there.
Secondly, it takes two to tango. You can do a lot to ensure you have an orgasm. A lot of this has to do with talking and letting your partner know what makes you tick. You can also figure out positions and movements that make it happen for you. Explore and learn what works for you and communicate that to your partner.
6. Try new things.
The safe space I was telling you about makes this easy. Talk so you can figure out new things you both want to try. This could be positions, places you want to do it, kinky stuff, you name it. Be adventurous–it’s fun, and it’s a great way to get closer to your partner.
7. Remember, sex is supposed to be fun.
If you aren’t having fun then change it up so you do have fun (safely and consensually of course). If that doesn’t work then step back and reevaluate the relationship you are in. Sometimes sex maybe just isn’t your thing–maybe you and your partner just don’t have the right chemistry. Whatever it is, if you aren’t enjoying what you are doing then you should not be doing it. It is always OK to say no.
8. His favorite color undies do add a special touch.
Alright, so I did harp on women’s magazines at the beginning of this post. The truth is some of the things they recommend doing such as wearing his favorite color sexy undies really do make a difference. Wearing sexy undies for him or putting on his favorite fragrance adds that extra, “Hey, I’ve noticed what you like and it matters to me”. No guy will object to you taking a little extra care to make him happy. Odds are he will want to return the favor!
What other tips would you add?